Friday, September 13, 2013

Just Run

Last night, I had finally decided it was time for me to start to train for my marathon. Ever since my 1/2 marathon, I haven't had much motivation to run. For the first time in my life, running doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel right. I have always been a runner and it has been something that I have always enjoyed. But, it has always been something that I have been able to share with someone. I have always had a running partner. In college it was my best friend Amanda, we would run for miles and miles, make her dad go get us ice cream, and then run more. I truly believe that running is what made us best friends. I use to run when I was bored, run when I needed to think, and run to work out. I loved to run. 

Fast forward to today, I am now living in Colorado. I am alone, I have no one to run with, and the altitude sucks. I am counting down the days until Joe is able to be home with me, this deployment is really starting to take a toll on me. I get out for a run and only make it a few miles because I don't love to run, I give up, and I tell myself that I can't do it.  Have I mentioned that I can't breath? I think it is a combination of the high altitude and the clean air. I have gained a few pounds and it has just been excuse after excuse of why I can't run, why I shouldn't run, or I just don't want to run. My pace has gone from 8:30 to a 10:00 at best.

Yesterday I had lunch with a friend, got my oil changed, and took a nap. I woke up and decided that I can't live like this. I can't just sleep and eat. That will get me no where. I need to make the best of my time alone, I need to be the independent, strong woman that I know I am. 

I decided it was enough with the excuses, I was going to run. I put on my old, go-to running shoes. It was raining so I didn't want to ruin the brand new shoes I just bought. I put on pants and a long sleeve and started on my run. It was sprinkling at this point and I felt good. I had some sweet tunes on and I was starting to get into a groove. I decided I would stay in my sub-division since it was getting dark. I took a turn and, at about the .75 mile mark, I fell. 

I was in a bit of disbelief as I laid on the ground face down for what felt like eternity. My hands and knees throbbed as I pushed myself up. I walked for a few feet and then began to think about running. Why do I run, what do I get out of it, why was I so unhappy? As these questions flooded my mind, I made a choice that I would finish my run and re-dedicate my training for myself. I run for ME. It makes ME happy. I am unhappy because I am alone and I will not be alone forever. As I ran, I had a mixture of tears and rain flowing down my face. I began to think about the deployment and how lucky I am to have a supportive family, amazing friends (blog friends included), a job doing what I love, and a supportive boyfriend that is constantly supporting me. I am not alone. 

I got back into my run and finished it, I finished the 3 miles I set out to run. I finished it for me. I can run and I am a runner. It is kind of sad that it takes me falling on my face to realize these things. But sometimes I guess it's great to start from the bottom and work your way up. My marathon is in early January and I know I can do it. I am excited to get back into running and I can't wait to share my love of running with Joe once he gets home. 

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  1. I am trying so hard to be a runner but it is tough for me. Trying to stay motivated though! Good for you!

  2. I remember when my husband was deployed that around this time (2 months left) I started getting REALLY restless and anxious. I think that's normal, but I hope that running helps you calm those feelings!

  3. You go girl. True runners are the ones that do it even when they don't want to. I don't enjoy it every day, but I do it anyway!

  4. Sometimes staying motivated can be one of the hardest things. But be proud of yourself, you still did it even though you had every reason not to! :)

    I am a new follower on your blog! :D


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