Thursday, May 23, 2013


Deployment is something that most, if not all, military significant others will go through at some point. Joe has been deployed for almost 4 months now and there is not one day that passes that I'm not slightly upset that he can't be here with me. This has been so difficult. I would be lying to you if I told you that "Time is flying by" or that "It's not that bad". I am sure that when we look back at it, it will feel like it those things are true, but being in the moment they are not.

Saying goodbye was a surreal experience, it didn't even feel like anything was happening. I knew in my head that he was leaving, but I tried my best to stay strong. For him and for myself. He left in the middle of the night, around 2 am. It was my first experience with seeing so many families say good bye to loved ones. There were kids running around that had no idea what was going on. There were kids sleeping. There were parents and spouses crying. Fathers saying goodbye to their new born babies and husbands saying goodbye to their pregnant wife. I just sat there in shock. The time had finally come to say goodbye and I could no longer hold it in. Tears slowly rolled down my face as I gave him one last hug. The soldiers all formed up and some things were said and they filed out the door. I was lucky that he was the one organizing the formation, so I was able to steal a few more kisses and hugs.  They went out the door and on the the infamous white buses. Within 15-20 minutes the buses were loaded and they drove away.
I am pretty sure he was looking for me in the crowd.

 I made the choice of leaving right after he left, I booked a flight back home that departed about 3 hrs after. The first few days didn't seem like anything was different. He was able to send me iMessages and even skype a little. The first week that he arrived in Afghanistan I spent most of the time trying to figure out what I was going to do, I was determined to make time fly by. I didn't want to spend time dwelling on something that I couldn't change. I decided that I would focus on myself and my fitness.

 I have been really lucky because he has deployed before and one of the first things he did when he got there was get a phone and buy minutes. He has been wonderful at calling me every day (when he can, which is most days), emailing me often, and skyping. He also sends me cards/letters/post cards every Sunday. Our communication has been great and I normally hear from him very quickly. There has only been a few days that he is out off the FOB that he is unable to call.

With all of that said, there have been days that aren't the greatest. I sometimes get upset at the smallest things and he can tell that I'm am frustrated. I try to remind myself that it's not a big deal and that this tough time in our relationship will past. One things that a friend of mine wishes she didn't do while her husband was deployed, was nag and get upset. It's very easy to say that you will not do these things, but trust me, somethings just can't be left unsaid (even though they really should be). I think most of those minor things are just your emotions on overdrive because of the stress of the deployment.  The other thing that is really difficult is felling so separated from the military. I am not a wife and the FRG has not been keeping me updated on the deployment, even though I was added to the email list. I figured that would be the case. Since I am living in LA, most people don't know what it is like to have someone close to them in the military. Most people just say "I could never date anyone in the Army" or "I don't know how you do it". The truth is, that I use to say those things. But now, I just do it. I am also lucky to have 2 close friends that know exactly what I am going through. One, her husband is currently deployed and the other is in the army herself. I have been able to find things to do to stay busy, I work 7 days a week. My free time is spent with my family, working out, or taking trips to see friends.

Deployments are tough and if anyone tells you differently I would think that they are lying. But at the end of the day, I know that Joe is doing something that he loves and is fighting for you and I. That is what makes it worth it. That is why I am proud.

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